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It was on a quiet July night in Colleyville, a suburb of northern Texas, when a group of middle school kids began vandalizing a residence. They threw toilet paper through the trees and shrubs of the Alexandra Drive house and graffitied epithets and rude phrases (the ever-original "suck it" being a stand out) on outer walls. They inscribed more insults all along the driveway using mustard, then coated the flanking pillars in peanut butter. Sanitary napkins were littered everywhere, covered in more condiments. Most curiously, two chicken halves were stuffed inside the mailbox. No source reports whether they were raw or cooked, either being just as disgusting and no less weird.


The mastermind behind this brilliant act of criminal mischief? According to local police, it's 41-year-old Tara Mauney.


Charged with felony-level criminal mischief and free on a $7,500 bond, Mauney allegedly came to the assistance of - and potentially led - the nocturnal attack on the Colleyville home, where a group of girls were having a sleepover.


It's these girls, Texas' Star Telegram reports, who witnessed the perpetrators fleeing the scene and bravely chased them down.


The brunt of the case against Mauney may come from some photographs taken of the mother and children at a local Walmart several hours before the crime. Furthermore, the source reports that "A witness told authorities that she saw Mauney and a group of juveniles shopping at the Bedford Walmart on the night of July 24. Security video from the store also showed that Mauney and juveniles were in the Walmart."


Why the noxious waste of toilet paper? What deep-seeded hate could have let so much of that classic (and eco-sensitive) bathroom product go to waste? Whatever the goals were of Mauney's illegal escapades, couldn't she have just bought herself a new toilet paper holder and just gone on with her life?


Then again, there's the possibility that the Texan mom is free of guilt. Says the source, "Two male juveniles have confessed to their involvement in the acts of criminal mischief, according to the affidavit." Mauney's attorney, on the other hand, has disputed the allegations and is requesting a polygraph test.


Whatever the outcome, it behooves every potentially bored-stiff suburban parent out there to - before resorting to a life of crime - consider an alternative. Bathroom renovation.

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